i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
