Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize