Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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