i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
