I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
