May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
