Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
