Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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