i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
