Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
