Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
