I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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