it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
