Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
