That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
