If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
