We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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