some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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