i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
