between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
