I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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