Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
