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there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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