Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
