he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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