I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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