Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
