Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize