Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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