Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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