So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
