dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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