So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
