I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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