If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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