He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
