this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
