And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
