Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
