even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
