There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
