Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
