i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
