textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
