Got a toothbrush?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
