her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
