Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
