I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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