Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
