Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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