i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize