batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize