You can't special order awesome
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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