Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
