i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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