i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
