We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
