Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize