Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I can't trust your balls anymore.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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