bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I am puke
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
