I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
