I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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