He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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