NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
whose parrot is this?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
