So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Hippo gnu deer
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
