Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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