Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
