they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
