Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
