Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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