I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
