as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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