I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
