some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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