Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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