I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
