Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
