... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
