just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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