Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize