i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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