getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
