I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
