im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
