Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
