I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
