I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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