Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
