I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
