There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
