I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
