is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
